Gloriana

Ovid, you charming scamp.

"Don't neglect the horse races if you're looking for a place to meet your girlfriend. A [racetrack] crowded with people offers many advantages ... The narrowness of each seating space forces you to squeeze together; in fact, the rules for seating compel you to touch her!

"Conversation should begin with no problem; just start out with the same comments that everyone else is making. Be sure to ask with great interest which horses are running and then immediately cheer for the same one, whichever it is, that she cheers for.

"Perhaps a speck of dust will settle on your girlfriend's breast (it often happens); be sure to brush it off with your hand. Even if there is no speck of dust, pretend -- and keep brushing off nothing."

And most touchingly:

"In addition, turn to whoever is sitting behind her and ask him not to jab her in the back with his knees. These little touches win over simple female hearts." - The Art of Love, I. 135-163.

posted at 11:18:47 pm

Theoneaodave
October 27, 2004 02:05 PM PDT

Hmm do you notice how similar the namse "Ovid" and "David" are? It's not a coincidence I tell you!
Alyred
October 27, 2004 12:27 PM PDT

Ok, Ok, I'll stop jabbing her in the back with my knees. Sheesh.
Halcyon
October 27, 2004 02:55 AM PDT

Damn but I wish I were that smooth
Saladin
October 27, 2004 12:26 AM PDT

My my, Gloria. How about those horses? Between your lovely meat box and your simple female heart, not to mention the rules for seating, I can't help but be compelled to touch you! Hey, is that a speck of dust on your breast? I'd better brush that off. Twenty-six times.

Yay, Ovid!

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