While observing a conversation on the tagboard on the topic of sexual schedules, I made the following remark:

"I like that term. 'Losing' one's virginity. As if it merely fell behind the dresser and is waiting for rediscovery while gathering dust ..."

I am amused by this phrase. Obviously a construction with a bit of a history, it must've stemmed from a time and culture -- back in the proverbial "day"  -- much more puritanical than today's ... so wonderfully conservative (as though I am not!) and innocuous-sounding. 

With current social trends every day taking a step forward in sexual equality for all, to say one has "lost" one's virginity seems a dated turn of phrase. It distances the person from what he or she has done, as though it had been through no fault of their own, maybe as a bow to the socially proscribed modicum of shame and modesty. To have "lost" also implies a temporary vacuum ... please help me find it.  

Perhaps the term was coined with women particularly in mind ... again, from an era past, when females were regarded much more as the fairer and weaker sex and as simple vessels in the act of reproduction, and when the most highly regarded attributes of femininity were qualities like passivity and demureness.

(I use past tense here as a nod to recent advances, but I acknowledge that sexist attitudes prevail today, still rather rampantly ... against both sexes.)

To say one's virginity was "lost" seemed to fit those modes of thought ... that she was not so much as the instigator as the one instigated upon ... that such an event was not so much in her control (although in some cases, this might still be applicable). To have "lost" implies clumsiness, carelessness -- in other words, the intellectual inferiority and emotional immaturity of women, as compared to men. As I mentioned before, a "loss" is never initiated by the bereaved; it happens when it does, hardly of the affected's own accord. "Oops! There it goes! Silly butterfingers ... simply wasn't paying attention."

In the interest of equality and female empowerment, I suggested that more dynamic terms be used, to more closely involve the most relevant party, being the woman herself. "I obliterated my virginity last night! Take that! Bang! Bang!" (Pun unintended.) 

I. Action. She took charge. She caused an occurrence; the occurrence did not cause her.

Wailfulrhyme came up with "annihilated" (which I remarked somehow reminded me of Space Invaders ... which might therefore make it a popular hit with gamers) and Rocker volunteered "desecrated" (which immediately made me believe that whoever used this term would have done so upon in a confessional box or cemetary).

For those not so radically action-oriented, I offer "given away." Take it; I bestow it upon you.

It's a gift.