My dad used to keep his wallet in the back pocket of his pants. We all told him this was a retarded idea, but he insisted the wallet was so big, stuffed with about a month's worth of gas and grocery receipts, that his ass would know if it was gone. This delusion is one of his many quintessentially daddish quirks, along with his penchant for polo shirts and dorkily clipping his cellphone to his belt.

When I couldn't close my wallet this morning, I thought of him, and also wondered: What the fuck do I keep in my wallet?

Upon examination:

Metropass for August
Metropass for September
VISA card with reward points
Rewardless VISA card which I now ignore and should really cancel
PC Financial debit card (no banking fees; for everyday use) 
CIBC debit card (investments)
Shiny new Toronto Public Library card whose number I've yet to memorize (I've lost literally ten of these)
University of Toronto student ID
Ontario driver's license, G2 class (haven't driven in over a year)
Ontario health card
SIN card
Canadian Union Benefit Trust health insurance card
Cineplex Theatres gift card ($13.05 remaining)
ESPRIT gift card ($10)
Urban Planet discount card (it's not skanky!)
Student Price Card (current)
Student Price Card (expired)
International Student Identity Card (for travel discounts)
Toronto Symphony Orchestra student discount card (I know)
Business card of my driving instructor at V's Driving School Ltd. (my dad's friend, whom we call Uncle Duck; really)
La Senza Bra Club card (the hell?)
Lucky Jeans card with styles and sizes of jeans I liked but sadly couldn't afford, written down neatly for me by a sweetly helpful salesclerk named Moiz (rhymes with "noise")
A wad of credit card receipts (our culprit!)
A TTC transfer for Friday August 24
$10

Hmm. Like father, like daughter, I guess.