Thursday, October 18, 2007

One of the most truly awkward "awkward" moments I've ever endured occurred during a lunch with co-workers. The topic of ethnic foods sprang up, and it went around the table, everyone contributing their experience of exotic culintary experiences (mostly Indian and Greek). I hadn't shown an iota of interest but suddenly someone asked me, "What food do you like, Gloria?"

I swallowed; my fish had inexplicably turned to ash. "Uh ... I like ... um, Chinese, actually," came my lame reply.

For a moment, it hung in the air, sharply choking off conversation; some people looked at their plates and decided to stab at the last limp salad leaf, while others chewed in pretend contemplation. Finally, someone announced that we ought to go.

Everyone jumped to their feet.

posted at 6:06:27 pm

Gloria
October 19, 2007   09:07 AM PDT
 
Also, Sinja: Hee.
Gloria
October 19, 2007   05:42 AM PDT
 
It's Monty Python.
Sinja
October 18, 2007   11:25 PM PDT
 
Yeah, that would have been rough. There's really only so many different ways you can make "Mexican" and "lexicon" funny.

And how did you NOT turn that situation into hilarity? You could have at least said "It's really fuckin' GOOD, guys!"
J f Z
October 18, 2007   08:37 PM PDT
 
OMG. Did you make that song up?

I think it's fortuitous you didn't have to rhyme things with Mexican.
Gloria
October 18, 2007   07:55 PM PDT
 
The world today seems absolutely crackers,
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
It's depressing and it's senseless, and that's why...
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today.
You'd better learn to like them; that's what I say.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.

I like Chinese food.
The waiters never are rude.
Think of the many things they've done to impress.
There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching, and Chess.

So I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.

I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucious taught.
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.

So, I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please.

All together.

[verse in Chinese]
Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.)
Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.)
Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.)
Ni hao ma; ni hao ma; ni hao ma; zaijien! (How are you; how are you; how are you; goodbye!)

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
Their food is guaranteed to please,
A fourteen, a seven, a nine, and lychees.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees...

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Glo'ri'a'na, noun:
1. An alternative form of "Gloria."
2. As "Americana" defines itself as artefacts of American culture, "Gloriana" consists of the artefacts of my culture.


   



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