The dilemma of the 24th-century Jew: Can replicated pork be considered kosher?

I once told him that I loved him ... in binary.

"If it's licking the Pope, it's probably treyf." - Evil Monkey's Guide to Kosher Imaginary Animals . . . (More)

I came home, starved.My mom was watching her online Chinese soap operas. She glanced up. "I found a loaf of bread on your bed." There was a pause as her gaze flickered away and blanked  briefly, as if she wanted to ask something but couldn't lest she discover some sordid, unholy hob . . . (More)

A verse of inappropriate sobriety: The body of Duncan lay dead,Still warm on his kingly white bed.Washed her hands did she,Cleaned his blade did he,And the salty green waters were red.

Hey there, boys and girls. It's that time again -- time for another instalment of: Hippocrates Sez ... regarding Hysteria in Virgins! According to the Greek doctor, when a virgin does not take up a husband at the suitable moment of marriage, her female "egress" remains unopened, and thus graduall . . . (More)

I was sitting behind the reception desk at my mother's salon, perusing the paper and cooling my heels until she was off, when a man came in through the door, looking attractive and distressed. "Wendy," he complained, "you have to fix this." He pointed at his hair, which was a pleasant honeye . . . (More)

Quote of the Day: "I'll just go back in time. Now. Or ... later. Or .... earlier?" - Me.

Another cozy family Sunday: Me: Hey, Wesley. Come over here. Do you like this red scarf I'm knitting? Wesley: Yeah! He watches with an excited grin as I drape it over his shoulders, to check the length. Other Brother: Too short. Me: I'll make it longer, and then you can wear it, okay? Wes . . . (More)

Every year, I forget, and have to wait another 364 days (363, depending when I finally remember) for the occasion to come again. This year, fuck that! I fucking pwned it this time! BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH! (A collaboration with Dave.) . . . (More)